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[15 Dec 2006|02:58pm] |
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mood |
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 restless |
] |
So I'm done with exams for the week. My next (and last) exam is on Wednesday at 1:30pm. That final isn't cumulative, so it should be much easier than these other three have been. I had to wake up at 7am this morning (something I'm really not used to at all, except for my Monday morning escapades) and was not a happy camper. I went downstairs to get a Pepsi to revv me up for the exam, and instead, I get the worst possible thing- the only thing I will not drink out of that vending machine: Brisk Ice Tea. BLECH. So I was immediately in a rather foul mood. I took my test, which I think went pretty well, got back my massive project (82%. I can't decide how I feel about it) and came back to my dorm to sleep. I awoke refreshed and ready, and was probably pretty successful on my Animal Science final. We'll see.
I'm glad it's Friday and that I have time to have an information de-tox. I need a bubble bath, television, shopping, and decorating to happen, and then I will feel rejuvenated. I think my boyfriend is going to be spending Christmas with us, because he really can't afford to go back down to Texas for just the weekend, plus he has to be at work the day after Christmas. So, yeah. Poor guy.
I'm really looking forward to the gym today, for some reason. I feel like the mental part of me has done its job, and now it's time for my body to perform. I had ice cream and Taco Bell today, but whatever, it's exams.
Speaking of weight, I saw a few pictures from a few years ago, and...I was obese. Seriously, looking at myself now, I can see that I've come a long way from where I once was. And even though I haven't reached my long term goal yet, I'm proud of myself. It took a lot of work to get where I am today (from 140 at my highest down to 119.5 as of yesterday) and I'm happy knowing that I have that willpower, and the ability to reach my goals. So that's a happy thing.
Speaking of goals, I've basically reached the previously set goals for this winter. I was 118 at the end of November, and by the end of December I'm supposed to be 115. We'll see, but we may have to make it 117 or 116, for reality's sake.
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[13 Dec 2006|06:58pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Fergie- "Fergalicious" |
] |
I had a bad day on my diet yesterday, and was pretty much moping about it (even if it was my own fault.) Today was better; I had salad and a banana for breakfast/lunch, but then had an Almond Joy and pizza for dinner. Not so great. I credit it to stress during exam time. I did weigh 119 at the gym, which was good, but I had an abbreviated work out, because I had to meet some friends to study.
I've been studying/reviewing all day. I'm not freaking out half as much as anybody I know, which makes me worry a little, but I do feel well prepared for my exams, so I think that's ok.
I've begun planning a trip down to Atlanta, to visit their new massive aquarium. I really love aquariums (aquaria?). It might have something to do with me being an aquarius, but who knows. Anyway, I'm planning to go down over an upcoming weekend, with my boyfriend. It should be a really fun/relaxing trip for both of us, since the only days he has off of work at Christmas day and New Years Day. So the weekend will be good.
I don't really have anything else to say, except that I want a hot shower and my new book.
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[11 Dec 2006|02:25pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
I had a really good weekend. I spent almost the entire weekend at my boyfriend's apartment, and it was so relaxing and fun. I went shopping for my last few Christmas presents on Friday afternoon, and then had my dad pick me up at the mall. Then my boyfriend came over and we got dinner and went back to his place. I went home for a few hours on Saturday to help my family put up our Christmas tree, and then went down to the Kennedy Center to see a modern dance performance with a friend of mine. It was an interesting experience, but it really is an acquired taste, I think. Sunday, my boyfriend and I woke up late, goofed around the aparment, had some great sex, watched football and were generally lazy. It was such a perfect cap to the weekend. My boyfriend also got his new Playboy (Pamela Anderson on her 12th? cover, cute brunette centerfold) which I looked through.
Which reminds me: I was lying on the floor (non-clothed) watching football and my boyfriend says, "You want to model in Playboy, right? Well, you're almost there." We then had a brief, constructive conversation about where on my body I need to work on more, and what I should be eating. We both agreed that my arms and legs need to slim down a bit more, and get more toned. But my stomach has been looking amazing lately. So yay. Also, I'm on a mission to eat more fruits and salad, drink more water, and drastically cut back on my fast food intake. I can do it. August is the month I'm planning to go for casting calls, and I know I can be ready.
I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, in which I will attempt to make a teeth bleaching appointment. That's step two of my Playboy Plan (which includes weight loss/toning, white teeth, good clear skin and a stunning hair style.) So I'm moving right along. It makes me happy to be in motion toward my goals. I'll hopefully post pictures soon, and see what anyone has to say about them.
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| A late Friday Five.. |
[08 Dec 2006|07:18pm] |
1. If you could, would you be a movie star or a rock star? Which one, and why?
I would probably be a movie star. Honestly, it would bring in more money, with more consistency.
2. Have you ever been in the media (TV, radio, papers)?
I've been in the papers, for like honor roll and stuff. Nothing major.
3. Do you know anyone who's been on a reality TV show?
Nope.
4. Have you ever met anyone famous?
A few soccer players.
5. Who would play you in a movie?
A sexy badass. I am a redhead, after all ;)
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[07 Dec 2006|01:31pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
] |
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music |
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Jamie Foxx- "Unpredictable" |
] |
Remember how I pigged out yesterday? I weighed myself in at the gym, per usual, and I weighed..a pound less. Seriously, body/metabolism, what is up with you? I think it's because I've just been doing weights, instead of elliptical, but seriously. How weird is that?
I was strong yesterday, and waited for my boyfriend to call me (which he did, at 11:15pm, after he worked out, before bed.) I went to bed a little sad, thinking that he wouldn't call me, but hearing his voice only convinces me that he loves me and likes to talk to me. I didn't text him today, though. I'm going to keep doing my weights, because I am getting closer to my goal, even if it's by tiny steps. He already thinks I'm hot, but I want to feel and look my hottest. Ridiculous, but whatever.
I really want a nap today. I think I'll end up finishing my book (The Mercy of Thin Air by Ronlyn Domingue) because it's really awesome. I always hate to finish a book, especially good ones, but that's the way it goes. It doesn't help that I devour them insatiably. Heh.
This weekend will be spent studying at my boyfriend's apartment, and having an outing with a male friend (that I think likes me..) on Saturday night. Should turn out interestingly.
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[06 Dec 2006|02:50pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
] |
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music |
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Mario Vasquez- "Gallery" |
] |
Bad day on the diet. Had three (count em, three) pieces of pizza last night, Taco Bell today for lunch and two cookies. It isn't even that I want to be eating all of this unhealthy food, it's just that there are times when healthy food isn't readily available and I have to eat quickly between classes. Next semester, my eating time will be pushed back until around 1pm or even 3pm. Maybe that'll help me control what I eat.
I had my last math test today, but it was also the last day of lab and of art history discussion, so it wasn't too bad.
So, interesting thing that has been on my mind the past few days: giving my boyfriend a little space. Don't get me wrong, we're not breaking up. It's just that sometimes I feel like I crowd him a little bit. He hasn't said anything, but it's a personal perception I have. Usually, he picks me up at school Friday night, I stay at his apartment Friday night, see him Saturday, see him Sunday, spend Sunday night with him, and he drives me back to school early Monday morning. We like to have the weekends to relax together. Every once in a while, he'll drive up on a weekday, to get dinner with me, or he'll be in the area. I usually talk to him once a night, before he goes to bed. I got used to seeing him pretty frequently over last school year and the summer, so I don't like not seeing him like, everyday. At the same time, I've adjusted. I like to text him in the middle of the day, and he'll text me back and such, but I feel like I'm being annoying or something. I'm sure if I brought it up with him, he'd say it was fine and that I'm being ridiculous, but I can't help but feel that way. So I think I'll stop texting him, see how I feel. Maybe it's kind of playing hard to get? Don't know.
Amanda called him, left him a message, and texted him last night. I didn't read the text, even though it took some strength not to. I'm going to stand firm to my trust in my boyfriend, and trust that there is nothing more than friendly banter going on between them.
Reading always makes me feel better, so I think that's what I'll go do.
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[05 Dec 2006|03:51pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
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music |
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Kenny Chesney- "Where I Come From" |
] |
Lately, I've been feeling surprisingly good about myself, physically as well as mentally. This is the first time in a while when I've actually been fairly happy about my appearance, as opposed to upset about it, or just not thinking about it. I think it's because a friend of my sister has been gushing about how pretty/cute I am, and honestly? That stuff makes my day.
I've already blabbed enough about my upcoming tests and exams, but if I appear to drop off the edge of the universe, that's why. In fact, I'm taking a study break from Art History right now. I've heard the human brain is most productive studying in 15 minute incriments. So hey, why not?
I went to the gym today, and saw like, seven guys from the men's soccer team. They're all pretty cute, but the goalie is just..mmmm. He's like 6'4, and it just made me think how much I like a big guy. Not beefy, but tall and lean. My boyfriend's 6'1, and muscular, and I just love it. I know it's completely a preference thing, but I just couldn't see myself with a smaller or pudgier guy. Terrible to say, but c'est vrai.
Back to studying :)
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[04 Dec 2006|03:37pm] |
I'm counting the hours before I get sick. I can just feel something coming. I've been feeling kind of nauseous lately, and just not good in general. I have two tests this week (Wednesday and Thursday) and exams are the 14th, 15th and 20th, for me. Lots of studying to do, and then hopefully a conflict-free, stress-free break.
I'm interested to see if this Amanda girl comes to see him. Some shit will go down, then.
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[03 Dec 2006|03:18pm] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
] |
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music |
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Shaggy- "Mr. Lover" |
] |
A lot has happened since I last updated, so I suppose I should fill you all in.
On Thursday morning, I woke up with very bad abdominal pain. Since I had just started my period that morning, I figured it was just cramps. However, the only other time my cramps have been that bad was the day that I went into the hospital for a ruptured ovarian cyst. So I figured it was the same thing. I had my dad pick me up and take me to the ER, where they took blood and urine, etc. They didn't run a CAT scan like they did the last time, and decided it was just bad cramps. It made me feel silly, but I'm pretty sure that it wasn't just cramps (since it's never that bad) but whatever.
My boyfriend picked me up Friday night, and made rather abrupt plans to go down to Texas to pick up his new truck, since the plane tickets would be cheap at such short notice. I couldn't fall asleep until about midnight. I woke up at 3:45am, dropped him off at the airport and drove back to school, where I fell asleep for 2 more hours before my sister called from home. She was hungry and wanted to go out, and since I was in charge (my parents took a road trip for the day), I had to go home. I was so tired all day, but couldn't fall asleep to take a nap. Instead, I met one of my sister's older friends, who was a nice guy. I talked to my boyfriend, and made sure he got to a hotel safely for the night.
Today, I woke up and ran errands, and then went to my boyfriend's apartment and...cleaned. I started by hanging up the mound of clean clothes on his other bed, then made that bed, cleaned the bathroom, took out the trash, cleaned the kitchen (put away dishes, washed the ones in the sink), made the bed we sleep in, and straightened up the "living room" area. It was productive, and I felt really good about it :) Talked to the boyfriend, and he's making good time. He'll probably get home late tonight. I'll stay at his apartment tonight, help him drop the truck off in the morning, and then he'll take me back to school.
Whew. My weight is good, at least. (118.5lbs this morning) Things are looking pretty good, right now.
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[29 Nov 2006|03:43pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
] |
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music |
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Eagle Eye Cherry- "Save Tonight" |
] |
I'm much happier than when I last posted. My mind has calmed down and I'm feeling steadier, although not absolutely healed. Time will fix it, though. I'm confident.
I ate Subway yesterday at 11am, and had Taco Bell today at 11:30am. Those are the only things I've eaten since 7pm on Sunday. I just..don't feel the need to eat at all. My appetite will come back when I've gotten to be myself again, but until then, my sytems are out of whack. I'm late on my period too. Joy.
Work-out time (I'm skipping elliptical today, just doing weights), showering, and then going to a fundraiser at California Tortilla with my boyfriend. Then we'll probably have the room to ourselves when we get back.. :)
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[28 Nov 2006|01:28pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
] |
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music |
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Dixie Chicks- "Take Me Away" |
] |
I fully believe that yesterday was the most stressful, miserable day of my entire life. I didn't eat AT ALL, and only had a bottle of Gatorade before/after I worked out. I have no desire to eat. Funny how stress and anxiety will completely obliterate any thoughts of food for me. I predict that this week will be one of the most stressful ever, as well. I'm having problems in my relationship, and it's really painful (and complicated) to go into. I will say that it's going to work out, though, because we told each other that our relationship came first, and that we love each other. I fully believe that he does love me, and does want to be with me. I trust him completely, I love him absolutely. The situation won't leave my mind, but I'm trying so hard.
I can't think around here. It's an urban setting, with buildings and lots of people and traffic and buses and noises. What I crave above anything else right now is to be magically transported to the ranch in Colorado, on a pony, galloping through the sage and meadows, climbing the mountains on those well-worn dirt trails, watching wildlife, and immersing myself in that world. It is, without a doubt, the perfect place for me. I love the quiet, and knowing that you're the only person for miles, and you and your horse are on your own. It doesn't frighten me in the least. I feel so able to think and breathe and be happy, it's incredible. Around here, all I can see for miles are buildings and people and roads, all I can smell is the pollution and junk food, all I can hear are buses and beeping and crashing, and I just cannot think. I need some form of wilderness, some big open space to go and sit for hours and just think and reach a peaceful state within myself. I need so desperately to attain that peace.
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[24 Nov 2006|05:04pm] |
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I want to try diet pills. I exercise and eat healthy, and I'm not seeing the results I was hoping for. I found this website (http://pricesexposed.net/home.php) which has a Top 20 list for diet pills out there, as well as prices and added benefits and whatnot. There's a GNC store in a mall near me, and I'm sure they sell a number of different choices, but I was researching different options on the Internet, so I'd have some kind of clue about the different brands before I went in. Suggestions are welcome.
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[21 Nov 2006|07:56pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
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music |
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Remy Martin- "Conceited" |
] |
Today was decent. The power went out all over campus, which was interesting, and slightly annoying. We still had class (specifically math) and my first class for tomorrow was cancelled. Which leaves a 1pm lecture, which is also annoying, but hey. Campus feels...empty. My dorm is so quiet, which is definitely out of the ordinary. Kind of nice, though.
I'm already packed, and ready to go. I'm going to bring my stuff with me to class, so I can walk up to the bus stop without having to trek all the way back up the hill to my dorm and back down to the bus stop. Then I'll get on the metro (for 45mins, blech) and my daddy will come pick me up at the home stop :) I'm ready for some turkey, shopping and football!
Diet was good. Taco Bell for lunch, orange and low-fat Thai chicken w. rice for dinner.
Elliptical for 20mins today, because I think I have some sort of stress fracture in my ankle (it hurts to go down stairs) but after a rest over break, I should be good to go!
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[20 Nov 2006|07:48pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
] |
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music |
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Nitty Gritty Dirt Band- "Fishin' in the Dark" |
] |
Day 1 of the diet was good.
Food
Breakfast: 1 apple
Snack: snack can of plain Pringles
Lunch: chicken quesadilla (kind of greasy..) 1 diet soda
Snack: 1 apple, handful of Doritos, 11oz water
Dinner: "healthy choice" mac & cheese, squash, 1 diet soda
Exercise
45mins on elliptical
Full weight sets
Full ab work out
No leg work (tired/worked by elliptical)
I felt good. I downloaded new music on my nano (my "nanopod") which was really very helpful in getting me to the 45min mark. Helped that there was a cute gym worker who was watching/chilling near me. :)
I won't be going to Nashville with my boyfriend on Friday, but it's possible that I'll be able to go down to Texas with him to get his new truck in a few weeks. I haven't discussed it with my parents yet, other than bringing it up with them. They're not too stoked about the idea, and I think it's because they think we're moving too fast. We've been going out for almost 1 year and 3 months, and I haven't met his parents/siblings yet. We've talked about marriage to some extent, and both agree that we don't want to get married until I'm out of school. I think if I can successfully communicate these things with my parents, I think they'll take to the idea much more than initially. However, since my parents met/got married later than most people (my mom was 31, my dad was 38) I think that their feelings on marriage and relationships is skewed. We'll see, though.
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[18 Nov 2006|02:32pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
] |
I feel/look like a lard ass today. Didn't go to the gym yesterday, ate Taco Bell and chinese food. Today was better, with only a bagel and low-fat cream cheese and a can of tuna (with some low-fat mayonaise.) It's time for some more serious caloric restrictions, as well as diet make-overs. New plan, as follows:
Food
--"Junk food" can only be consumed three times a week (during the school week) and once on the weekends. This counts as meals, not as days. The less, the better.
--At least two pieces of fruit must be consumed every day.
--At least two salad meals should be consumed during the school week.
--Maximum of two sodas per day. One a day is better.
Exercise
--At least 30 minutes on the elliptical every day of the school week.
--Full sets of weights to be done at least 4 of the 5 days of the school week.
--Weekends are off days, still, but any extra exercise is good.
Weight Goals
--Long term goal: 110 (by Playboy shoot, August 2007)
--Goal for end of November: 118 (hold for at least one week)
--Goal for end of December: 115
--Current weight: ~120
Physical Goals:
--Slimmer legs
--Lose fat on upper arms
--FLATTER STOMACH
If this can all be done, I'll be happy. New diet begins Monday.
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[17 Nov 2006|01:28pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
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music |
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Kenny Chesney- "Baby You Save Me" |
] |
Last night was something to remember. A male friend of mine, that I've known for quite some time, wanted to hang out. Nothing out of the ordinary, although he's been flirting with me regularly since we both got to school. Anyway, we got some dinner at the diner, then got some ice cream, walked around campus in the darn talking about sex and the like. Amusing, but harmless. We then came back to my dorm room. Door was open as he sat on my bed, and I sat at the desk, discussing the issue of Cosmo he was reading. More comparative sex talk. Then he brings up dancing, and says he'll teach me to waltz. Harmless, again, so oh hell, why not? He then gets up and closes and locks the door. My stomach does a little skitter, because why in hell is he locking the door? We proceed to dance, and I think nothing more of the locked door. We're not best friends, but I trust this guy. We then get into a wrestling match, which was started by me taking a faux swing at him (I do know how to fight, all 5'1 of me!) He turns it into wrestling, but pushes me down on my roommates bed. He's behind me, and my arms are pinned. He makes some comment about "You can't move now, can you?" and I was rather afraid. I try to laugh it off, keep it light, and he lets me go. I tell him I have to shower, and go to bed, and he says he'll leave. Or do I want him to stay? I tell him no, and walk him downstairs.
Afterwards, I felt nauseous, shakey and just...frightened. The fact that he could've so easily forced me into anything was clear in my mind. I called my boyfriend and barely stammered out the story, and he said he'd come see me. He came and held me while I shook most of it out of my system, and then he told me he'd take me home (to his apartment.) I spent the night, and managed to only have a shaking fit once. He was right there next to me, telling me it was all over now.
We've been dating for a year and almost 3 months, and I have always appreciated him. But sitting in his lap, having his big strong arms around me, burying my face into his chest and smelling him was so soothing. It was further proof that he will be there for me whenever I need him.
Anyway. Now that that bit's out.
Elliptical for 35 minutes (just over 5 miles) and my weights and ab work. I can't bring myself to go today, but I'm just...wiped out from this entire week. Very stressful, on many different fronts. I'm going to nap and read until my boyfriend comes to fetch me for the weekend.
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[16 Nov 2006|01:20pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
] |
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music |
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Mariah Carey- "We Belong Together" |
] |
So, I made it. My tests are done, my project is turned in. It's smooth sailing until after Thanksgiving.
I didn't feel very well last night, and didn't go to the gym (ugh), which always manages to make me feel gross. I did go to the men's soccer game, which we won (apparently, I'm THE good luck charm, seeing as they haven't lost a game I've been to) and all was well. I woke up this morning ready to turn in that damned projec, which I did. I talked to my mom, had Chick-Fil-A (double ugh) and read the paper. I then proceeded to math, which is made decent every day because of the hot as hell math teacher I have. Yay.
So here I sit in my room, watching the very dreary day pass by. I have the room to myself, which I like (not that I don't love my roommate, but alone time is nice.) I feel like taking a nap, but I've had problems sleeping the past week, which I attribute to not being able to talk to my boyfriend before I go to sleep. I find that just talking about my day and thoughts really helps me wind down and sleep well. Plus, having a bedmate on the weekends is nice. But this weather is such..sleeping/cuddling weather. Sigh.
I have an appointment (all the way across campus; TRIPLE UGH) with one of my TA's to review my four year plan. It's kind of a pain in the ass that I have to go over there at 4, when I was RIGHT across from that building for my math class. Oh well. Such is (my) life.
I'm really rambley today, and I think it's because I'm lonely. I didn't talk to my boyfriend last night (his phone died) and it just makes me feel lonely. I probably sound like a desperate girlfriend, but it really isn't the case. I'm just so used to having him in my life, and talking to him at least once a day, that it makes it feel like forever when I haven't talked to him. Hm.
Anyway, I should probably get this posted before I start discussing my views on life, or love or something long-winded.
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[15 Nov 2006|03:08pm] |
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mood |
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 hot |
] |
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music |
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Dem Franchise Boyz- "White Tee" |
] |
Sorry I didn't update last night- my boyfriend came to visit again, and brought me presents! He brought me one black velvet push-up bra, with a little rhinestone heart holding the front together, two pairs of black panties with little rhinestones on them (different styles) and one pair of pink w/ lighter pink lace trim. If there's one thing that I will always love, it's sexy lingerie.
At the gym, I did elliptical for 20 minutes (I wanted a bit of a break) and then did all of my weights. I weighed in at 120, which was good. Today's diet was not so great. Peanut butter coco puffs, a diet coke, a chicken salad sandwich and a 280!!calorie cranberry juice (remind me never to drink Dole again) but I did manage to avoid the Taco Bell :-P
I'm going to try to fit in my gym workout soon because I have to go to a meeting at 6 and the men's soccer game at 7 (playoff game!) and finish my proposal for tomorrow. Luckily, my tests went well this week, and the stress level should decrease considerably by tomorrow after I turn in my project.
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[13 Nov 2006|05:05pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
] |
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music |
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Josh Turner- "Your Man" |
] |
Today was a decent day, but it most certainly is not over yet. I skipped my 4pm class, but forgot about the study session I wanted to attend for animal science. *headtodesk* I did go to the gym, burned something like 250 calories on the elliptical (30mins, 4.3 miles) and did weights for 45 minutes. I weighed in at 120, in the middle of the day, with clothes on! (Which basically equals 118, 119 in my brain.) Productive, yes. What I had planned, no.
Anyway. Time to study for math for two hours, and animal science for two hours (or alternating, whatever) until I get ready for my boyfriend to get here. He had another weird schedule delay, knocking him back about 30 minutes, but whatever. I just want to see him! :)
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[12 Nov 2006|08:43pm] |
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mood |
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 excited |
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music |
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Rascal Flatts- "My Wish" |
] |
I had Popeyes for dinner Friday night, Wendys for dinner Saturday night, and I weighed in at 118 this morning. However amazing that is, it's just weird. Like, wtf mates? Can't complain though.
So I got almost all of my project done this weekend! I still have to write and review the proposal, and get my wall texts reviewed, all by Thursday, but I think it's possible. I feel pretty proud of myself right now, since I cracked down really hard. I spent almost all of my time working, and even purposefully woke up (instead of rolling over and going back to bed) Saturday and this morning. I'll be even happier when it's completely done, though.
My boyfriend's plane lands tomorrow at noon, and I hope he'll stop by here to visit me. He said that he'll have to go back down there sometime soon to get his truck, and he wants me to come down with him. The plans are by no means solidified yet, but he said I could meet his family, and that would be great.
I've missed him, and glad he'll be home soon. If I can just get this week over with, it will be much smoother sailing.
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childofireland's journal